Stereotyping and Ranting about Brooklyn Chassidim

When I walk down 13th Avenue in Boro Park, I feel like all eyes are on me judging from every angle of my being. As I try not make eye contact, I feel their glares of in approval. I don't get it, its not like I am untznius, I'm actually far from it. I look like a former Bais Yaakov girl with quite a bit of trendiness, class, and taste to add to the mixture. My hair is not long, and the heels of my shoes are not high. So why is it that when I walk up and down this busy street, I feel like I am on a runway to Hell? (sorry for being so dramatic) Even though, truth is that's how it used to be. Now those glares turned into stares of envy since my unique fashion sense came into style.

Boro Park is the epitome of the "we are holier then thou" theory and they have no reason to think so. Let me explain.

The men walk around with their tzitzis and a vest over their white shirts. A huge bulk key chain with a bagillion pairs of keys hanging from their belt loops. You see, it makes them look important. I bet half of them are just copies, because if they just had 3 pairs of keys dangling from their belt, they will be made fun of and mocked by the rest of their human key chain buddies. Which is like most of Boro Park.
They seem to know all a lot about computers and have every latest gadget under the sun. One phone is not enough for them, they need a regular phone, a Blackberry, one of those palm pilots/phones, and an ear piece stuck to the side of their heads.

It is against the law in New York to talk on the phone when driving. Now I am not saying I don't always keep to that law, but at least when I am on the phone and driving I try to be extra alert and not make it obvious to all the pedestrians that I am braking the law. Unlike the chassidim who drive through red lights or speed up by yellow light thinking that wasn't meant for him, it was meant for the car behind him. I was walking across the street and 2 cars (both men on the phone) turned in my direction and drove through the 6 ft wide space between me and the sidewalk without even slowing down. I had to jump back a foot or two. I don't know if they were oblivious to the rest of the world or they just didn't care. Maybe both.
I remember going for my road test and there were 3 chassidim who took the test the same time I did. My instructor said they will fail, even though they are good drivers, they were too confident in themselves and had terrible middos. He said I would pass because I have good middos and I am a good person. Guess what?? They all failed (though I watched them and they seemed to be good drivers) and I passed. Now I don't know if THAT was why they failed but I was pretty impressed by his theory.

Now I don't mean to sound prejudice (lol) but if you're going to live in America, especially if you were born here, the least you could do is speak English. Now I am not saying chassidim don't, I am just saying that just because I don't know Yiddish does not mean I am a goy or a terrible uneducated person. Oh, and sorry but the chassidish accents reeeaaally irks me. But that's just my opinion. (lol)!!

When the men walk on the street they look down because I am either too untznius or too pretty for them to look straight ahead. But when they pass me, or other woman they take a "second" look. Oooooh the falsehood! They come into my office and ask me questions-dare to not look at me when I am facing them, but the moment I turn around I can just feel it. Oh, and not to mention how inappropriate it is to look me in the eye (which I don't care if they don't) but its fine to just sit down and watch Veronica Mars or American Idol on your friends computer. Ha, and getting into the whole kol isha thing-why is it considered ok for you to watch American Idol but you would freak out if some girls were singing in their school or house by an open window!?!?

These such men have wives that either look like they belong in Lawrence because it looks like Bloomingdale's or Saks Fifth Avenue threw up all over them or they look like they have been living in a shtetle in yehupitzville Poland in the 1700's. The ones who have the very "with it" wives are the ones who as soon as they leave NY, they change into their Guns n Roses t-shirts. And their kids all wearing matching clothes from either Jacadi or Benetton because Daffy's is considered lower class already. The "old fashioned" wives usually wear a single colored sweater set or a blouse that's tucked in and the top button is closed that it makes me feel like I am choking just looking at them. With of course a black or navy skirt that goes from the middle of the stomach all the way down to mid calf. The shoes are usually penny loafer flats or something else that is flat. Why is it that anyone else with a little more fashion sense yet is still keeping to all the tznius rules you look down upon!? I dont care about how you dress, I am just upset that you look at me like I am a bad person. I wont judge you if you wont judge me, but you started it!

Oh, and word of advice, dont drive to the JCC office asking for food stamps, HEAP and healthcare in your Cadillacs or Lexus!

Ooooohhh Chassidim, cant live with them......um, no thats it!

This post is a satire and is stereotyping. It was not meant to literaly affend anyone. It was a joke and is humorous. If you cant take a joke and have no sense of humor, please leave and get one or just leave.