NY JAP's Thoughts

Crazy Things My Former Boss Made Me Do

2007-10-29T20:25:00.000-07:00

I used to work at this place I really liked. I had jewish co workers and they were all really nice and sweet. I got really close to all of them. Except my boss. He made me crazy with all the things he asked me to do. I didnt bother saying no to him because he would look at me with a blank stare and not understand what the word "no" meant. I told myself that it was easier to just do what he asked then to explain how insane his orders were. He treated me and my co worker like garbage. We were the shlock shamas of the office, so that is why I quit. Here is a list of things my boss made me do, and like an idiot, I listened:

He made me take a 6 foot by 5 foot ceiling panel and walk 8 blocks in the 100 degree heat to a hardware store to check if they have that size. Then he made me walk back with it. I thought I would pass out cuz it was so darn heavy and hot!!

He made me clean the conference room for him. That meant throwing out the tissues and garbage that was lying around and Windex the table. Because the cleaning lady didnt show up.

He always asked me to run across the street to buy him lunch.

I had to go around the neighborhood looking for phone wires for his phone.

I had take pictures of things he wanted to sell and sell them on craigslist. This had nothing to do with the job mind you!!

I had to move his car for him.

He called me for stupid things when I was on the way to Miami and then asked if I could come back because he couldnt find a file I put away. ( I said no to that one!!)

I had to help his wife in her store because she was short a few hands.

HE ATE MY CHOCOLATE THAT WAS IN MY DESK DRAWER-TWICE!!!!!

He called me at home several times for stupid questions.

He asked me to pick up his cell phone cuz he was on the phone. It was his wife and he asked me to take a message. She asked a personal question and I had to tell it over to him, then he told me to answer back but I made a face so he took the phone from me so he could talk to her!!!!

He paid his cleaning lady more then me.

He told me that he could tell me what to do because I am not married and dont have a husband to tell me what to do. Btw, this is his 2nd marriage!

He asked me several times to stop schmoozing with the co workers because it doesn't look professional! Its not like I wasnt doing my work.

He made me be his telemarketer for a week to call up random pple asking if they want to open retirement accounts if they had extra money! NO ONE HAS EXTRA MONEY!!!!

All in all, I got payed less then minimum wage but I liked working there. I had retarded co workers and they made me laugh from time to time. I'm really ganna miss them! But not the work and my boss-Good riddens Mr. Blankity Blank!! Hope there are other pple as smart as me to quit while they can and find a normal job-not like I did yet. I am still working for nutzos, but in a different office. Is there any normal job out there with a nice working environment, good pay and nice boss! I doubt it!!

Deep Thought of the Day

2007-09-19T09:55:00.000-07:00

I got this as a forward at work and laughed my tuchos off for a good five minutes! Not because its so funny, but because its so true!! Things like this make me laugh!

Have you ever walked on the street and saw someone fall down or bump into a pole? What was your reaction? I don't know about you, but I would laugh my head off! Its not so funny if you think about it, and I'm sure it hurts like heck or is pretty embarrassing, but witnessing something like that is hysterical.

I once witnessed a girl getting off a city bus and falling over on her face. The next woman getting off didn't realise what happened and she tripped right over her and fell on top of the girl. Everyone on the bus and all around (including me, though I tried not to show it) was laughing soooo hard!! It must have hurt but boy was it priceless!!

Here is a link of a video that will surely make you laugh if you like this stuff! (Who doesn't!?!?!?)

http://youtube.com/watch?v=c98am_Iy-Nk

Enjoy, and happy laughing!! LOL!!

The Best Vacation Ever!

2007-08-30T18:50:00.000-07:00

Its funny how I become an anti Semite when I go on vacation. I am just no in the mood of meeting any jews while I walk around in my flip flops and walk on the boardwalk. I guess that's how you get when you live in a nosy, ugly, disgusting up in your face neighborhood like I do. But when I go to Miami, its not like that at all. Everyone minds their own business and doesn't care what anyone else does. You could walk around naked and no one would blink an eyelash. Fine, that is not such a big deal considering many pple walk around half naked anyway over there but I am talking about any jews you might find in the sunshine state. Lately there have been many jews there, I don't know if I like it but it hasn't really bothered me yet so I wont complain. Its so funny to walk on the boardwalk and see a chassidish couple brisk walking together. The husband in his full black and white garb and his wife with her turban, tights and big white sneakers. Its so cute. I've also seen such woman at the beach in the ocean. I was once taking a stroll on the beach and I saw these 4 chassidish woman wearing the turbans, long fully covered shirts and black tights coming out of the water. I thought that was hysterical. I wanted to take a picture but I didn't have a camera on me unfortunately!!

The best place to be in the summer is Florida. I know you all think I am crazy and all say its too hot there but its not! It is worse in NY and upstate for that matter. For the passed few summers there have been heat waves, crazy thunderstorms, blackouts and even a tornado in NY. But in Miami its just beautiful! It does rain occasionally but it usually only lasts for an hour or less. It is never scorching or unbearable. There is always a nice breeze coming from the ocean and there are plenty of swimming pools to jump into! The air is clean and the city is breathtakingly stunning. Not to mention the roads are so smooth and easy to drive on.

I've been going to Florida in the summer all the years of my life, many times in the winter as well so I know what I am talking about. Its like my second home. I'd rather it be my first home cuz NY stinks but I'm not that privileged! lol!!

I went to Miami Beach for 4 weeks this passed summer. I stayed the entire August and it was one of the most relaxing and enjoyable vacation I have had in years. All I basically did was sit out in the sun and catch up on my reading. My building (condo) is like a bungalow colony. The same families come every summer and we all sit around and schmooze at the pool area and go out to eat together ect. The men come at the beginning of the summer, drop off their wives and kids and then go back home to work. My backyard is the beach and I have a pool right before it. On the other side is a beautiful lake called Indian Creek, where they have a bunch of gorgeous expensive houses that many celebrities own. So I am basically surrounded by water. Why would anyone want anything else?!!?

I went banana boating, jet skiing, and went to a water park. There are also amazing shopping centers to hang out at. There is a really nice clean mall called Aventura. Then a more expensive mall called Bal Harbor which has Saks, Neiman Marcus and such stores. And of course there is the beautiful Linkin Road which is outside. It is one long avenue that has a million shops and restaurants all over the place. No cars can go through that area because it is blocked by fountains and palm trees. Its a perfect place to stroll through and observe.

Now what would a great city be with out some nice restaurants. There is Grill Time which is very similar to the Prime Grill in NY. They have fabulous steak platters. One of my favorites is the blackened skirt steak. It is richly encrusted with black pepper and grilled to perfection. It is a bit pricey but they serve a ton of free side dishes to go along with the whole meal. And their hot chocolate fudge cake is to die for! It is this round hot chocolate cake with a ton of hot fudge all over it. I am a huge chocoholic and know what tastes good, and that my friends is what heaven tastes like!!

There is also a milchig joint called Cina Cita. That is also one of the more pricey places but it is also worth the dough. The food is amazing. They give a perfect amount of food so there is no need to order seconds or anything else. Their pesto pasta is perfectly creamy and they have a very fresh fish menu. The atmosphere is romantic and fun so its great for dates and parties. Miami is also known to have great pizza. The famous Shemtovs just hired a new pizza baker so their pizzas are even more incredible then before. Especially their garlic pies. It has 4 types of cheeses with garlic, pine nuts and fresh basil. Now anyone who has taste knows that that is one awesome pizza.

Now there is only one place that is worth driving 45 minutes each way just to have their food fresh-and that is the kosher Krispy Kreme!!! It is a factory so everything is made fresh as you order. They even have a window where you could watch the glazed doughnuts being made. Its a very fast process from when the raw dough hits the conveyor belt to when it is boxed and ready to eat. You get to see within seconds how the doughnut fries and is smothered in glaze, right after its glazed they take it and box it for you. You have to wait to touch it because it is still piping hot!! When it is ready to eat it feels like you are biting into air. Now I love dunkin donuts but this takes the cake. (pun intended lol!) There are very few kosher Krispy Kremes out there so a 45 minute drive is sooooo worth it!!!

I flew down to Miami but I drove back. It takes a total of 24 hours but we stopped over in a hotel over night in North Carolina. We also passed through Washington D.C. so that took a bit of time. I love driving on the open road and stopping at gas stations and rest stops and all the southerners are either rude as hell because they hate northerners, whites or jews or they are waaaaaay too friendly and greet you every time you go into the bathroom, walk out of the bathroom and before you drive off. "Y'all come back now, you hear!" Yeah, sure but first let me leave why dontchya!!!

Anyway, I had a great time and I cant wait until next summer to go back again.

I Had A Brilliant Revolation!

2007-08-16T20:50:00.000-07:00

I have figured out why chasidim have so many children. Well, I doubt I am the first to realize it (lol) but I thought of it on my own so I am giving myself the credit!

The reason why chasidim have so many children is because the laws of Taharas Hamishpacha are so freaken hard and frustrating. So they get there wives pregnant every 9 months so they have more time to be with them without them becoming a nida!!

I know this is inappropriate but I wanted to share this thought anyway!!

Sorry

2007-08-12T01:19:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry I haven't updated my blog in a while but I have been really busy with work and now I am on vacation in Miami. I hope to be better with it when I get back!! Until then, have a happy, healthy and SAFE summer!!

Best Dumb Blond Joke Ever

2007-06-21T16:34:00.000-07:00

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender,

"Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says,

"Before you tell that joke, you should know something." "Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Site Disclaimer

2007-06-20T18:37:00.000-07:00

Everything I write on this site is not written to offend anyone. It is all for humorous purposes and is a joke. Don't take everything I say literally and offensive because it is not supposed to be and that is not how I wrote it. If you have a sense of humor and an open mind you are welcome to comment and enjoy my thoughts.

Stereotyping and Ranting about Brooklyn Chassidim

2007-06-20T15:48:00.000-07:00

When I walk down 13th Avenue in Boro Park, I feel like all eyes are on me judging from every angle of my being. As I try not make eye contact, I feel their glares of in approval. I don't get it, its not like I am untznius, I'm actually far from it. I look like a former Bais Yaakov girl with quite a bit of trendiness, class, and taste to add to the mixture. My hair is not long, and the heels of my shoes are not high. So why is it that when I walk up and down this busy street, I feel like I am on a runway to Hell? (sorry for being so dramatic) Even though, truth is that's how it used to be. Now those glares turned into stares of envy since my unique fashion sense came into style.

Boro Park is the epitome of the "we are holier then thou" theory and they have no reason to think so. Let me explain.

The men walk around with their tzitzis and a vest over their white shirts. A huge bulk key chain with a bagillion pairs of keys hanging from their belt loops. You see, it makes them look important. I bet half of them are just copies, because if they just had 3 pairs of keys dangling from their belt, they will be made fun of and mocked by the rest of their human key chain buddies. Which is like most of Boro Park.
They seem to know all a lot about computers and have every latest gadget under the sun. One phone is not enough for them, they need a regular phone, a Blackberry, one of those palm pilots/phones, and an ear piece stuck to the side of their heads.

It is against the law in New York to talk on the phone when driving. Now I am not saying I don't always keep to that law, but at least when I am on the phone and driving I try to be extra alert and not make it obvious to all the pedestrians that I am braking the law. Unlike the chassidim who drive through red lights or speed up by yellow light thinking that wasn't meant for him, it was meant for the car behind him. I was walking across the street and 2 cars (both men on the phone) turned in my direction and drove through the 6 ft wide space between me and the sidewalk without even slowing down. I had to jump back a foot or two. I don't know if they were oblivious to the rest of the world or they just didn't care. Maybe both.
I remember going for my road test and there were 3 chassidim who took the test the same time I did. My instructor said they will fail, even though they are good drivers, they were too confident in themselves and had terrible middos. He said I would pass because I have good middos and I am a good person. Guess what?? They all failed (though I watched them and they seemed to be good drivers) and I passed. Now I don't know if THAT was why they failed but I was pretty impressed by his theory.

Now I don't mean to sound prejudice (lol) but if you're going to live in America, especially if you were born here, the least you could do is speak English. Now I am not saying chassidim don't, I am just saying that just because I don't know Yiddish does not mean I am a goy or a terrible uneducated person. Oh, and sorry but the chassidish accents reeeaaally irks me. But that's just my opinion. (lol)!!

When the men walk on the street they look down because I am either too untznius or too pretty for them to look straight ahead. But when they pass me, or other woman they take a "second" look. Oooooh the falsehood! They come into my office and ask me questions-dare to not look at me when I am facing them, but the moment I turn around I can just feel it. Oh, and not to mention how inappropriate it is to look me in the eye (which I don't care if they don't) but its fine to just sit down and watch Veronica Mars or American Idol on your friends computer. Ha, and getting into the whole kol isha thing-why is it considered ok for you to watch American Idol but you would freak out if some girls were singing in their school or house by an open window!?!?

These such men have wives that either look like they belong in Lawrence because it looks like Bloomingdale's or Saks Fifth Avenue threw up all over them or they look like they have been living in a shtetle in yehupitzville Poland in the 1700's. The ones who have the very "with it" wives are the ones who as soon as they leave NY, they change into their Guns n Roses t-shirts. And their kids all wearing matching clothes from either Jacadi or Benetton because Daffy's is considered lower class already. The "old fashioned" wives usually wear a single colored sweater set or a blouse that's tucked in and the top button is closed that it makes me feel like I am choking just looking at them. With of course a black or navy skirt that goes from the middle of the stomach all the way down to mid calf. The shoes are usually penny loafer flats or something else that is flat. Why is it that anyone else with a little more fashion sense yet is still keeping to all the tznius rules you look down upon!? I dont care about how you dress, I am just upset that you look at me like I am a bad person. I wont judge you if you wont judge me, but you started it!

Oh, and word of advice, dont drive to the JCC office asking for food stamps, HEAP and healthcare in your Cadillacs or Lexus!

Ooooohhh Chassidim, cant live with them......um, no thats it!

This post is a satire and is stereotyping. It was not meant to literaly affend anyone. It was a joke and is humorous. If you cant take a joke and have no sense of humor, please leave and get one or just leave.